Data was defined using a numerical scale from one to 10, with one being the boys’ own mothers, 10 being Catwoman and 11 being Selena Gomez. Sports bra tans consistently ranked in the 7-9 range, with one participant even giving the tans a quadrillion. The tans were variously described as “whoa,” “sexy” and “wow, that’s a girl.”

The survey also suggested that the words “bra” and “tan” may, in themselves, be attractive. More data is needed to confirm this hypothesis.

“Have you seen a bra?” asked local seventh-grader Jim Douglas. “Well, I have. And let me tell you, they’re pretty great. A lot of girls are wearing them. This girl Kathy I know sometimes wears these shirts where sometimes you can see the bra on the left side. So hot.”

Added Douglas, "Sometimes she sits down and her jeans slide down a little so you can almost see her butt crack.”

As of press time, middle school boys were undergoing exciting new experiences and discovering that their actions have consequences.