The Brown Noser

Resurrected Jesus Disappointed In Modern Falafel | Sep 07 2011

After a two-millennium sabbatical, the resurrected Son of God addressed a crowd of modern Jerusalemites from atop an apple crate.

2001 Fart Still Circulating Through International Space Station | Sep 07 2011

This Saturday will mark the 10-year anniversary of the blast of airborne feces emitted from astronaut Dr. James Woodworth’s digestive tract.

Catholic Church Comes Up With Evolution Independently | Sep 07 2011

During his recent oration “On The Genesis of Christ,” the pope unveiled his groundbreaking theory of “Exaltation,” a new hypothesis that the Catholic Church promises will help their dwindling numbers of supporters reestablish their faith. Pope Benedict XVI explained the doctrine of the “Revival of the Most Sinless,” which postulates that “the God-fearing Father shall bestow upon the Son a higher probability of fear in God.” The oration was met with skepticism from the scientific community, which noted that the similar “Theory of Evolution” was theorized two hundred years ago by Charles Darwin.

Coke Outbids Pepsi As Official Soft Drink of Pepsi Factory | Sep 07 2011

Following a three-month bidding war between the soft drink giants, The Coca-Cola Company outbid PepsiCo for sponsorship of the Bern Lake Pepsi Bottling Factory in North Carolina.

Israel, Palestine Agree To Resolve Conflict Through Endless Bloodshed | Sep 07 2011

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian leaders reached a landmark resolution Monday aimed at creating lasting peace through widespread murder.

New Trend May Increase Or Decrease Cancer Risk | Sep 07 2011

An emerging habit can change the risk of developing a malignant tumor, according to a study released this week by Harvard or MIT.