Since he dropped out of the presidential race in early November, former Texas Congressman Beto O’Rourke has reportedly earned a B+ on his Spanish midterm.
“We are excited to announce that, after a week of dedicated studying, Congressman O’Rourke received an 89% on his Spanish 300 midterm,” read the press release.
A new Gallup poll released this morning has found that if the general election were moved to December 6, 2019, a majority of Americans would be surprised.
“A full 80% of respondents would describe themselves as ‘very confused’ if the 2020 election were moved to 2019,” said CNN analyst Sharon Marcus.
According to a recent campaign donor report, Joe Biden's presidential campaign is almost entirely financed by Crest Whitestrips.
"Joe's teeth are so white that Crest is practically bankrolling our campaign at this point," admitted Greg Schultz, Biden's campaign manager.
This past Saturday, SNL absolutely roasted a number of political figures by objectively stating what they did.
“The cold open is our chance to make the largest cultural impact with our comedy,” explained head writer James McDavis. “We figured we could really take a jab at the current administration by having celebrities straightforwardly recount the past week’s headlines.”
“In addition to having the legendary Alec Baldwin reprise his role as Trump, we are looking to get Tim Robinson here to play President Zelensky,” said McDavis.