Friday, April 19, 2024
Partly Cloudy icon Partly Cloudy, 64°

The Brown Noser

Sports (Dec 01 2017 issue)

Stephen Curry Scared to Let Go of Rim After Dunking Ball | Dec 01 2017

Delaying gameplay for fifteen minutes, NBA superstar Stephen Curry hung on to the rim for dear life after dunking the ball in tonight’s game between the Golden State Warriors and Orlando Magic. “This is the first time I’ve ever dunked and I really didn’t realize how high up it was,” conceded Curry, dangled his legs and refusing to look down. “Coach! Call another timeout please! I can’t let go!” At press time, the referees brought out a rescue ladder.

Kid Who Left Rec Basketball Team For Travel Team Thinks He’s Hot Shit All Of A Sudden | Dec 01 2017

According to members of the Pawtucket rec basketball team the Wolves, sixth-grader Joey Lambros thinks he’s hot shit ever since he left them to play on a travel team. “All Joey talks about at recess anymore is his new team,” said Wolves member Richie Graff, “It’s all ‘My travel team this and my travel team that’ with him.

“There’s a Football Game On Tonight?,” Asks Brilliantly Sardonic Intellectual | Dec 01 2017

Grinning crookedly to himself, sources report that wry intellectual Marcus Hanson repeatedly asked Sunday morning if there was “some kind of football game on tonight." “What the big deal?” said the modern-day Oscar Wilde as friends and colleagues headed to Super Bowl parties.

Halfhearted Eagles Fan Flipping Bicycles to Celebrate Victory | Dec 01 2017

After watching the Philadelphia Eagles win their first-ever Super Bowl, witnesses reported that Philadelphia native and casual Eagles fan Joseph Carey celebrated by jogging around the neighborhood and flipping over a couple bicycles. “This is cool,” said Carey, as he pushed over a bicycle and modestly pumped his fists.

Search The Brown Noser