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The Brown Noser

Sports (Mar 09 2018 issue)

J.J. Watt Starts Morning With Nice, Hot Gatorade Shower | Mar 09 2018

J.J. Watt begins every morning with a nice, hot Gatorade Shower, report the his teammates. “It really wakes me up to have the warm electrolytes running over my skin,” said Watt. The Texan’s All-Pro defensive end prepares for the day ahead under the steady stream of food color, salt, and sugar. “I love starting the day off letting the piping hot sports hydration formula clear my head." At press time, Watt was explaining why Powerade is totally different than Gatorade.

Nice Paparazzi Always Lets Celebrity Take A Silly One | Mar 09 2018

Immediately after jumping out of a bush to snap a picture of Millie Bobby Brown leaving an LA restaurant, nice paparazzo Trent LeDrew insisted that Brown take a silly one. “I think it just lightens the mood,” said LeDrew, explaining that taking a silly one usually keeps celebrities from getting too mad at him for taking their picture without permission.

Hockey Player Wishes He Brought An Extra Sweater To Game | Mar 09 2018

According to sources from TD Garden, Boston Bruins defenseman Zdeno Chara wishes he brought an extra sweater to the game tonight. “It gets cold out there on the ice,” said the veteran defenseman from Slovakia. “My mom always tells me I need to layer up, but I guess I thought I could tough it out.” Throughout the intermission interview, Chara had goosebumps visible on his arms and his teeth were chattering.

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