“When a passenger watches the safety demonstration video on the screen in front of them, they want to see something exciting!” claimed renowned director Kristen Palmentrop, while filming a cowboy demonstrating the seat belt mechanism on top of a bucking horse. “Why would they want to see it take place in an airplane? They’re already inside of one!”

“These videos are intended to be 20% information and 80% entertainment,” Palmentrop continued, while deciding on how best to transition from the volcano scene to the medieval joust. “If it were up to me, I’d make these into the blockbuster-quality short films they deserve to be. Unfortunately the FAA is run by a buncha killjoys.”

“If your plane is really going down, your mind is gonna be racing; you don’t know what the hell is going on,” said Palmentrop, putting the finishing touches on the disco-themed outro. “If I’m trapped on a plane spiraling towards the ground, what am I gonna remember more: the boring safety video that uses the exact seats and equipment I have on the plane, or the kick-ass safety video with B-list cameos and state-of-the-art explosion effects?”

At press time, an online cooking recipe gave you every detail about the dish except how to cook it.