Sunday, June 4, 2023
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The Brown Noser

Henry Lew


Henry's articles

Student Deeply Engrossed In One-Page Summary Of Book | May 12 2023

According to sources, a student was spotted on the Main Green deeply engrossed in a one-page summary of a book. “Literature like this, you just gotta appreciate”, commented Will Bennet, while gazing in quiet admiration at the single sheet of paper in his hands.

Tour Guide Getting Paid To Say Good Things About Brown Has Only Good Things To Say | May 12 2023

Sources report that a tour guide getting paid to say good things about Brown has only good things to say. “What can I say, this is a great school!” says tour guide Becca Platt, ‘24, while logging her tour hours in Workday to make bank. “All I’ve got is praise for this wonderful institution!” “This is as authentic as it gets! These students deserve to know about our stressless finals and lively party scene,” Platt continued, reviewing her latest fat paycheck.

CDC Advises Nation To Stay Away From Grandpa When He Starts Coughing Like That | Apr 14 2023

Addressing the nation from a televised broadcast, the CDC advised to stay away from Grandpa when he’s coughing like that. “We are working hard to identify his illness, but he’s kinda at that age where it could be anything,” said a CDC spokesperson, noting that Grandpa’s smoker lungs make just about anything sound like a death rattle.