“Sure, we don’t talk much otherwise and haven’t been in the same state in years, but I’m always excited to wish Peter a happy birthday in hopes that it will be the last time I ever have to do it,” said Ira, sighing heavily upon receiving a “Thank you!” response from Peter. “Well, there’s always next year."

“A lot of people say it’s silly to have no communication beyond wishing each other a happy birthday twice a year, but when the day finally comes that my text gets no response and I know I outlived this guy I used to have a class with, it will all be worth it,” Peter added. “Otherwise he could die and I might not know about it for months!”

At press time, Ira was found asking old friends how work was in hopes they had been fired.