“Hey there, my farmies! What’s up?” said Yoder to the stick of butter she pretends is her vlog camera. “Welcome back to my channel. Today we are going to be unboxing the brand new cow x. My tenth cow. Wow. It’s been such a journey.”

“Yay! I’m actually, like, lowkey so pumped for this. Okay, here we go. Mmmmmmm,” continued Yoder as she satisfyingly tapped the 8-by-6-foot box. “Should we shake it? Oh. Wow. It’s really heavy.”

“Oh my god. It’s the chestnut brown! I was having trouble deciding what color I wanted, but given how good she looks, I honestly think I chose correctly,” continued Yoder as she unwrapped the plastic around the 1,100-pound cow. “Should I name her? What about Rosie? Do we like that? Maybe it’s stupid. IDK. Drop a comment below.”

At press time, an Amish stripper had revealed both of her ankles.