“He was holding his fork and knife completely upright on the table for like 12 minutes,” reported fellow patron Ana Carmichael, grossed out by Achebe’s excessive salivating and lip licking. “He even had his bib tucked way into his collar and his tongue sticking out.”

“When his steak finally did come, he jumped out of his seat and said ‘BOI-OI-OING!’ while his eyes bulged out of his head, it was surreal.”

At press time, Achebe was seen getting into an argument with a waiter that quickly devolved into a rolling dust cloud with sound effects.