“That was way too close for comfort,” the asteroid said, still nervous after passing near the earth. “There’s no telling what kind of damage a collision with a horrific planet like that could do to me.”

“When I heard that scientists on Earth were predicting I might collide with them, I was stressed and paranoid for weeks,” continued the asteroid. "But now, knowing that I no longer run the risk of encountering that absolute shithole of a planet, I can breathe easy!”

“I know that I could’ve have landed in a desert, or even the ocean, which would’ve erased some of the risks,” the asteroid explained. “Though there’s a chance I would’ve encountered intelligent life, overall it’s just way too hazardous to risk coming into contact with the surface of earth.”

Asteroid 52768’s new trajectory has it on-track to collide with the Sun by January 2021, causing further expressions of relief from both astronomers and the asteroid alike.