Television streaming giant Netflix has announced plans to step up its ‘80s nostalgia campaign by illegally trafficking thousands of arms to Nicaraguan contra fighters.
“We want to take this ‘80s craze one step further after the success of ‘Stranger Things’ and ‘Black Mirror’s’ San Junipero episode,” announced CEO Reed Hastings in a press release yesterday afternoon.
Damn it Tony you knucklehead! What the hell do you think you’re doing? You’ve ruined the gabagool!
You gotta be kidding me. The boss is gonna be so mad. His Nonna walked three miles to the Deli to get that gabagool for cousin Vinny’s birthday! Nice going you greasy-fingered jamook!
Ah geez Tony, don’t try to fix it yourself! Do you have any idea what even goes into a gabagool you schnook? Flour? What are you gonna do with flour? I’m talkin’ here! You goon, you’ve gone and got flour all over the braciole! What have you got muzzadell for brains?
This is the last time Tony.
‘Come on Eileen’ is bringing a local Williams Street party to a flailing, howling, and desperate conclusion, bystanders report.
“You’ve got to end on a classic,” said host Ethan McClure, who mentioned that he had also considered ‘Mr. Brightside,’ ‘Take On Me,’ and ‘Toxic’ as final numbers for his exhausted guests to belt at the top of their voices before stumbling back to their dorms.
Local hunky-monkey Bradly Haverford has made a formal request that Noser staff desist from using headlines to hit on him, the paper has been informed.
“At first it was kind of nice, I guess?” said Haverford huskily, effortlessly brushing a slightly curled lock of sandy-blond hair from the path of his emerald gaze, “but after the sixth or seventh mention it started to get a little creepy.”
Haverford is reported to be 6’2 and when last seen has an incredible chest a butt to match.
Come on guys. It’s not that hard. I’m not going to going to pay attention to your BBA posts if you can’t get basic facts about my height, hair, location, ethnicity, clothes, and name correct.
Adoration can be difficult to express in words. I understand that, truly.