Athlete Insecure After Receiving No Ass Slaps For Highlight Play

Published Friday, September 26th, 2025
Filed under Arts & Culture

Small forward Keith McPatts was reportedly torn up after receiving no ass
slaps after making an amazing no-look pass.

“C’mon man, really? Nothing?” complained McPatts, watching sorrowfully as
his teammates ran back down the court instead of delivering a nice, hard slap to his posterior. “That was the coolest fucking
thing I’ve done in my life! You can’t show me even a little love?”

At press time, advanced stats showed that McPatts ranked dead last in per-36
hand-to-booty efficency.