“This obligatory eviction from our traditional workspace lends us legitimacy as a real, waningly relevant newspaper,” said Metro Editor Tilda Heffrey with a glimmer of pride in her eyes. “We are pretty ecstatic that this move places us squarely in a history of great declining newspapers like the Chicago Tribune. Being associated with fading glory is the greatest compliment we’ve gotten in years.”
“I never imagined this happening to little-old-us,” continued Heffrey. “There are so many bigshots in the category of failing journalistic institutions forced to vacate historical buildings; it’s honestly flattering to have anything in common with the Denver Post, Boston Herald, and Los Angeles Times.”
At press time, the Indy confirmed that their newsroom is still a cloud of floating letters.