“I’m impressed by the Herald’s commitment to asking hard questions, like how many days are there before I get to open presents?” said BDH reader Jeffrey Matthews ’22, flipping his newspaper open to a helpful calendar with a bold red circle around December 25th. “It takes a real journalist to sniff out that there are twenty-two days until the magic of Yuletide is here.”
“This exposé looks at the issue from multiple perspectives, because there’s a countdown to Christmas and New Year’s Eve,” continued Matthews, pondering the implications of the news source’s groundbreaking holiday discoveries. “These reporters must have a really reliable advent calendar as their inside source.”
At press time, a BDH opinion columnist was drafting a provocative thinkpiece asking Santa for a big, shiny toy truck this year.