Baby Left On Firehouse Steps Grows Up to Become Surprisingly Mediocre Fireman

Published Friday, November 3rd, 2017
Filed under Off Campus

“I’ve known Leo since he was just a few days old,” said fire chief Dan Mathers. “But despite all the time he’s spent with us, he’s still trying to get the hang of things. For instance, he can’t slide down the fire pole without really pumping himself up before. And then when he slides down, there are a bunch of stops and starts."

“Leo’s the last one out of the house whenever we get a call,” continued Mathers. “He doesn’t seem to have much of a sense of urgency. Since he’s been in this environment ever since he was a baby, we thought he’d be better at everything. It was pretty immersive training and he still never caught on.”

Rookie firefighter Bobby Needell echoed her complaints, saying, “I know I haven’t been on the force long," said rookie firefighter Bobby Needell, echoing Mather’s complaints, "But at least I know how to aim a nozzle. Leo’s had years with these guys, but he still needs help manning a hose.”

At press time, Leo was seen avoiding firehouse dog Sparky, with whom he’s always had a touchy relationship.