“This guy’s supposedly one of the greatest musical minds in human history,” remarked Andre Kripke, amateur online music critic and professional dishwasher. “And he hasn’t sold an album in years, much less got a single song to chart.”

“Just a little fishy, y’know what I mean?,” asked Kripke, while putting the finishing touches on his video essay entitled Beethoven: The First Industry Plant?. “I’ve never heard his music in the club, he never gets name-dropped or dissed by any real big names, and nobody is ever bumping his tracks in those TikToks where they ask you what you’re listening to!”

At press time, Kripke was seen leaving ‘Beethoven = overrated’ comments under every post from the London Philharmonic Orchestra Instagram.