“Is it cool if my friend comes to hang with us? It’s Celia, she’s really cool, she’s in my ENGN 0090 class! I feel like you two would get along,” Clemmons said as if she wasn’t aware she was ripping your heart out with the presentation of this ‘Celia’ woman. “Celia and I have been going climbing a lot recently, you should come! She has a car, isn’t that awesome?”

“I met Celia a few weeks ago, she’s really nice,” Clemmons continued, shamelessly bragging about her disgusting little secret paramour. “I think it could even be cool for the three of us to hang out all together, if you’d be open to that.”

“I didn’t mean to find her, it kinda just happened, and we really get along,” Clemmons admitted as she explained how she became such a dirty two-timing harlot. “I just think I’m meant to have more than one friend. You’re gonna love her, I promise.”

At press time, your favorite barista revealed that she also made coffee for other customers, like some kind of two-timing barista slut.