“My head is at a really weird angle and there are no snacks back here,” Montgomery said as he struggled to loosen the ropes binding his wrists and ankles together.

“This guy is pissing me off,” said kidnapper Jeff Crane, doing his best to tune out Montgomery’s pestering. “At first I put him in the back seat, but he kept asking me to adjust the air conditioning and hitting me whenever he saw a Volkswagen beetle. If I didn’t think I could get a whole lot of ransom money from his family, I would’ve thrown him in a ditch a while ago.”

Montgomery reportedly asked Crane to stop at a rest stop-McDonald’s numerous times, despite having just gone to the bathroom one exit back. “I left a pot in the trunk for him to use as a toilet, it’s like he doesn’t understand I need to reach state lines by sundown,” said Crane, shaking his head at Montgomery’s request to stop for donuts.

At press time, Montgomery was heard mumbling “I spy something dark” from the locked trunk of the car.