Branded Water Bottle All It Takes to Convince Liberal Arts Major to Sell Out

Published Friday, March 8th, 2019
Filed under Campus Life

“I’ve been meaning to buy a water bottle but this one is completely free,” she said, admiring the cheaply-made object that convinced her to abandon everything she previously believed in. "What can beat that?”

“Before walking in here, I was sure that I knew exactly what I was going to do with my life: save the world from neoliberal corporate global capitalism,” Smith explained as she surrendered her freewill for a tacky plastic cylinder. “But that’s a really sweet water bottle.”

At press time, Smith was reflecting on how snug the bottle looked in the pocket of her McKinsey backpack.