Sunday, December 17, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Jamie Solomon

Writer

Jamie's articles

Student Given 50 Minutes to Solve Institutional Racism During Final | Dec 01 2017

Sources report freshman Jenny Mathews was relieved when she saw only one question on her Public Policy 440 final exam: How do you propose to solve institutional racism? “I was expecting something like this,” Mathews confided, “and I think after three lectures per week over seven weeks given by a professor whose office hours I went to a few times, and after reading most of the assigned articles which in reality represent a little sample of the available literature on the subject through the perceptive of a very niche sub-category, I felt really prepared to solve institutional racism in a five-paragraph essay.” “It was definitely the five-minute brainstorm right before the exam that allowed me to tackle this issue that no politician or theorist has ever been able to fully address.” “I left the room feeling proud of my work,” continued Mathews, adding that this was an essay she would definitely attach as a three to five page writing sample on her next job application.

Local Woman Waiting Until Opportune Moment When Barista’s Back Is Turned to Choose “No Tip” | Nov 03 2017

Quickly dropping her smile, local woman Leslie Turner expertly struck “no tip” as soon as the barista turned his back to make her drink, scribbling her signature, and smiling just in time for the barista to return with her medium almond milk low-calorie vanilla latte with light, stiff foam.

Cool Kid Keeps Popping Wheelies During Driver's Test | Nov 03 2017

Pulling up to the DMV in his mom’s Prius, cool kid Chris Baker kept popping wheelies throughout his driver’s test. “At first Chris seemed pretty nervous," said driving instructor Dave Smith, "he almost mixed up his left and his right. But when we got to the open lot, he suddenly started popping those wheelies.