“We are thrilled that our student body is so passionate about such a wide array of issues, and we’re here to provide a space for them to fight for their future, as long as it doesn’t make us look like the money-grubbing institution that we are,” an email from administration stated. “One of Brown’s most unique qualities is our engaged, activist student body, and we’re extremely proud to back all of their efforts, unless their efforts have anything to do with us or bad things we do.”

“Truly, our student activists can find in us an empathetic, undeniable ally, just not if they’re protesting anything we’ve done or said, or alluded to doing or saying, or that we’ve briefly thought about doing or saying. Or, frankly, anything we haven’t yet conceived of doing or saying, but that we might do or say in the future. We’re emphatic supporters of student activism, unless it’s the kind that goes against any of those things.”

“Every day, there are new posters advertising upcoming student protests,” the email continued. “It’s inspiring to see the amount of young people on campus who are taking initiative not just to speak, but also to act. We want to assert our indisputable support for the individuals and organizations seeking change, except if their efforts make us look like we should have do the changing.”

At press time, UCS was open to all feedback except if it’s mean.