“I support Yang because Universal Basic Income is simply common sense from an economic standpoint,” said Peter Greenwall ’21 said, putting on a facade of knowledge regarding the nation’s economy. “Econometrically, equilibrium in the labor market will adjust. Providing $1000 a month to everyone will increase the unemployment rate and other important measures of the strength of the economy, all while balancing the budget and making our trade agreements better.”

“It’s rather obvious that increasing the nations capability to domestically spend revenue will increase our gross national output,” Greenwall said, really phoning in a working knowledge of the country’s economy in order to endorse Andrew Yang’s platform. “We will skyrocket above the levels seen even during the 1972 residential boom, which of course was a direct result of unparalleled GDP, GNP, and RBG development. It’s basic supply and demand.”

At press time, Brown students for Beto were pretending to know how to speak Spanish.