“You cannot tell me that that butt crack sneaking out ever-so-slightly between that shirt and waistband is not inviting a quarter to be dropped gingerly into it,” said Alex Grabbage, who had just withdrawn three hundred dollars in quarters before class. “The slit of that ass is exactly the right size for a quarter, I feel as though it is my moral duty to be the one to fill it.”

“For years, I did not know why I was put on this Earth, what purpose I needed to fulfill,” Grabbage continued, clutching a quarter tightly between his fingers. “Now I know that God brought me to this school, to this Sociology 0010 course, to this seat behind that butt crack, just so that I can place this quarter into that butt crack. I will not fail this mission, even if it costs me everything.”

“When I realized that I could get dozens of quarters during my sociology class every week just by wearing my pants low and leaning forward, I thought it was too good to be true,” announced classmate Jude Karls, who had acquired over a thousand dollars in ass coins. “If this continues, I won’t have to worry about my student loans anymore. I just hope my pants will be able to handle the weight of it all.”

At press time, a nurple was just begging to be purpled.