Tatsuya's articles
Mad Libbers all across the nation are furious over a new, adverb-only Mad Lib.
“I thought it was a little weird when there were two or three adverbs in a row, but then it just kept going! All of the interesting parts of the story like the nouns and adjectives were already written, I only got to modify the verbs, which were also pre-written!” complained Charlotte Clackins, pulling up a thesaurus.
According to a Brown student, this butt crack peeking over a waistband is practically begging for a coin to be placed in it.
“You cannot tell me that that butt crack sneaking out ever-so-slightly between that shirt and waistband is not inviting a quarter to be dropped gingerly into it,” said Alex Grabbage, who had just withdrawn three hundred dollars in quarters before class.
My dearest child,
I just wanted to let you know that I love you with all of my heart and that I am so proud of everything you have accomplished and become. You are so beautiful, inside and out, and every time I look at your freckled face, I feel a wonderful warmth in my heart.
Sources report that the statement “I’ve had it up to here!” is really not that threatening coming from a short man.
“Normally I would be pretty worried if someone raised their arm up and said to me that they had ‘had it up to here,’” remarked Mackenzie Barnes, a staggering 5’ 8”.
According to recent reports, this humongous chair is certainly big, but not nearly large enough for a gargantuan ass.
“When I first tried to sit on this huge chair, I thought that for sure I would be able to sit down, but for some reason I couldn’t seem to fit!” exclaimed Gunter Peters, whose heaping rump seemed to have its own gravitational pull.
In recent news, talented whistler Ally Kattner is hated by everybody.
“I hate her, I hate her, I hate her!” lamented Claire Rosen, Kattner’s roommate who had wads of cotton jammed in her ears. “Every single morning, I’m jolted awake by her harmonizing with the songbirds outside.
According to a recent Brown University study, ethics and morality classes are actually way easier if you’re evil.
“At first, I was having a really hard time in my ethics class navigating complex and nuanced ethical dilemmas, all while trying to make sense of years and years of philosophical debate.
Local Providence spelunker Fit Kinnigan recently returned from his Icelandic caving trip in shame, disappointed that he didn’t have to chew his arm off to get through a tight hole.
“I feel horrible. I have bested the tightest holes of Iceland, but I didn’t even have to brutally gnaw my arm off! I barely even chewed my shoulder,” said Kinnigan, holding his head in, unfortunately, both of his hands.
In an exciting new report from polls across America, researchers overwhelmingly conclude that we all forgive you, Richard Nixon.
“We’re not mad at you anymore! And actually we feel really bad about the way we’ve been treating you,” wrote political researcher Frankie Shean, forgiving Nixon for the Watergate scandal.
Sources report your friend who was losing at mini golf is now trying to convince everyone that they weren’t even trying anyway.
“I don’t like to take things like this too seriously, it’s just a stupid game after all,” said Donovan Chen, swinging his tailored PXG 2024 steel putter around as if to emphasize how silly he thought this all was.
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