“Everyone knew this was coming,” said junior Jazzy Thompson, shivering as she imagined virtual covers of “Somebody To Love” and “Karma Chameleon,” among other a cappella standards that are sure to devastate Facebook feeds and inboxes this fall by way of grainy screen recordings. “But that doesn’t mean we’re ready for it. Life is hard enough in a worldwide pandemic, I really don’t need The Jabberwocks blasting social media with their new arrangement of “Drunk In Love” on top of everything.”

“It’s nearly impossible to prepare for something of this magnitude,” Thompson continued, explaining the precautionary measures she’s been taking in order to lessen the blow of Zoom a cappella. “I double-checked to make sure I’ve unfollowed all 14 a cappella groups on Instagram, and I blocked all my a cappella-associated friends so I don’t encounter any stray links to YouTube livestreams. But you never know. My friend in The Ursa Minors might personally text me about their remote arch sing, and then what am I supposed to do? I live every day in fear.”

At press time, students trembled in fear at the mere thought of Zoom improv.