“Just the phrase ‘non-profit’ makes me gag a little,” confessed Matthew Donato, Director of CareerLAB. “It’s like ‘I’m sorry, but I couldn’t hear you over all this tech and finance money flowing into campus.’”

“Listen, you know I’m all ears when we’re talking about that Google, Microsoft, Goldman, McKinsey life” scoffed Ron Foreman, the Associate Director of Career Counseling. “But if the ACLU or TFA wants to come in here and peddle their do-gooder bullshit, they better come strapped with some cash.”

At press time, the CareerLAB reportedly told government organizations to “step up your game” or they’re out, too.