Close, But No Cigar, Says Man Just Given Cigarette

Published Saturday, February 18th, 2023
Filed under Off Campus

“I understand that some individuals might find them to be similar, or even the same,” said Harold Browinger, thinking about how if this was given to him in celebration of a baby’s birth, the parents must be celebrating either the birth of a rat or an extremely premature human. “However, they are quite different.”

“You might think they are the same because they are both a means of transporting smoke in and out of your airways,” continued Browinger, thinking about how actually anyone could confuse the two because a cigar is at least four times as big as a cigarette and twice as heavy, not to mention the difference in color. “But one promises lung cancer in a much more sophisticated way, and I’d rather that, don’t you think?”

At press time, a man was seen leading a horse to water but failing to get it to drink.