“Sith use red, Jedi use green. But what about greenish-grayish brown?” asked Molibu while taking an eye exam from an optometrist droid. “I can’t exactly pause a duel to politely ask someone whether they are guided by compassion or greed in their mastery of the Force.”

“This one guy, I was like 90 percent sure he was a Sith, so I cut off his arm and it turned out he was a padawan!” lamented Molibu, as the Jedi Council added a visual impairment sticker to his speeder license. “At least sometimes Sith cackle and shoot lightning from their hands—that can make things easier.”

At press time, a Hogwarts student with a lisp was really struggling to pronounce spells correctly.