Thomas's articles
Findings show that the Jo’s 50/50 burger is sourced from a newly developed breed of mushroom-cow hybrids.
“For years, students have complained that Brown dining features unhealthy, overly processed food,” said George Barboza, Vice President of Dining Programs, while splicing shiitake genes into a prized heifer.
During last weekend’s family movie night, Grandpa would not stop pointing out how attractive he found Anya Taylor-Joy.
“I just really appreciate a bombshell who takes the time to cultivate that kind of figure,” said Grandpa, 83, during a particularly juicy montage of Taylor-Joy, 24, working out.
The Student Activities Office has released a statement that Brown’s student organizations do not discriminate on the basis of race, sex, or religion but are free and encouraged to discriminate based on whether you’re cool or not.
“At Brown, we celebrate diversity in all its forms and believe that inclusion in student clubs is a cornerstone of that mission,” said Joie Forte, Director of Student Activities, while determining funding based on a club leader’s Instagram followers.
At the most recent WaterFire, the planning committee reversed the event’s water-to-fire ratio with predictably horrific results.
“There’s always this huge river with only a few little braziers, so we thought it might be fun to spice things up,” said Avery Schmidt, WaterFire chairman, from his bed in the hospital’s burn unit.
New studies by the Department of Transportation suggest that life is actually nothing like a highway.
“I mean, first, highways are really long and made of concrete,” said Dana Carell, research supervisor, while searching life for overpasses and carpool lanes.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
