What’s your problem, guy? We were just minding our own business, enjoying a nice night out, and then you had to start eyeing our potato skins. Get your hands off the skins and go back to your own booth. I’m spending good money on this food so that my family can enjoy it. It’s not for you.

Don’t even think about touching those buffalo wings. My son is lactose intolerant so he can’t have the mozzarella sticks we got. The wings are the only apps he likes. And he likes them so much, he orders them for his meal. So not only would you be ruining his appetizers, you’d be ruining his dinner entirely. You don’t want that on your conscience, buddy.

You see how busy it is in here. It’s gonna take 45 minutes, at least, before our entrees come out. Without these starters, we’ll have nothing to hold us over. My daughter’s been at a club soccer tournament all day. She’s starving. Don’t do this to us.

Do you have a family? I saw that you were sitting alone over there but what about at home? A wife and three daughters. Well, wouldn’t you do anything for them? Wouldn’t you protect their appetizers at all costs? I bet it’d kill you to see their spirits drop when some man tried to take their spinach and artichoke dip away. So don’t be that guy. Walk away.

Good choice. Yup, walk all the way back to your table. Let us eat these nachos in peace.