“I’ve always considered myself more on the centrist side of the party,” said Biden, shaking his head as he tried to make sense of the Trump campaign’s apparent conviction that he is a bastion of leftist agendas. “But maybe these guys know something I don’t?”

Struggling to account for his opponent’s complete disregard of his reluctance to support progressive policies favored by the left, Biden began to consider the possibility that he is indeed a socialist insurgent.

“Could I really have been a left-wing radical this whole time?” Biden wondered, racking his brain for any past statements or positions of his that would support this conclusion. “No, that doesn’t make any sense. Or does it?”

At press time, Biden was trying to figure out whether he is in fact the leader of Antifa.