“I’m not going to allow the media to censor me for speaking the truth.,” said Brandt, emphatically, while wearing a sideways hat, holding his hand over his mouth, and bobbing his other arm out from side to side. “I just don’t believe women are capable of bowa-bowa-bwaaaa as much as men are. Men are just naturally more bow-tss-tss-bow-bow, more era-era-eh-eh-era-era. Does it hurt my reputation to say that? Certainly, but it shouldn’t! All I’m saying is that if they want to pop-pop-poom-pop-pop, then maybe they should try and get a little more na-na-na-na-na-come-on.”

At press time, socially conscious scat-artist Scoots Monroe responded, saying each human being is afforded the right to zoop-bee-doo-bop-bop, regardless of their zabap-bap-bap-bap-zee-bap-bap-bap.