“Common side effects may include moderate-to-severe gastrointestinal distress, internal bleeding, or even death,” stated a deep voiceover as the foolish couple laughed together in slow motion, clearly unaware of the horrors they were advertising on their carefree bike ride. “Talk to your doctor if you have difficulty sleeping, urinating, and breathing while taking Zorgyal.”

“Fifteen patients in a thirty person study developed sudden and severe lactose intolerance after taking Zorgyal,” continued the voice as the poor, naive pair ended their date with an ice cream cone. “Avoid physical activity and direct exposure to sunlight.”

As the ad closed, the couple’s death sentence was backed by the sweet rhythm of Rusted Root’s “Send Me On My Way.”