Benson, who has beads of sweat on his forehead, has reportedly played three consecutive games with his two children without allowing bumpers. “He’s been yelling a lot,” said Benson’s 10-year-old son Rory. “I haven’t seen him this emotional in a long time. I really want to go home.”

“Come on!” said Benson in desperation after missing the headpin and leaving himself a difficult split. “What are you doing, Pat?”

Sources confirm that while Benson has never bowled a perfect game before, he has bowled a perfect game into the eighth frame, and he has recounted the story several times to his kids and to the teenager working at the shoe-rental counter.

“Dad really needs to get his act together,” said Benson’s daughter Hannah. “When he gets a strike, he jumps up and down like he won the lottery. When he makes a mistake, he pulls his baseball cap down over his eyes and it’s very clear that he’s crying.”

“I bowled in a league back in high school,” said Benson, crouched next to his children. “A couple of buddies and I did it every Thursday and I was good, too. I wonder if there’s a family league here we could join.”

Benson added, “I’ll certainly have enough time now that I don’t have a job.”

At press time, Benson was ordering another pizza and pitcher of coke from the snack bar and attempting to rally the kids for a fourth game.