“The hygienist was so sweet,” patient Joe Clemente said after a disorienting appointment with the pair. “She said I had a perfect smile, flawless gums, and that my brushing technique was impressively on point. Then Dr. Marsh showed up and told me I had to get 8 cavities filled and that I’m not flossing enough.”

“The hygienist immediately came in and cheerfully asked me what color toothbrush I wanted for my beautiful smile,” he continued uneasily. “But that was immediately followed by Dr. Marsh clicking her tongue and telling me that I’d look a lot better with veneers. I didn’t know what to think.”

“At the end of the appointment, while the hygienist was making nice small talk about the weather, I caught a glimpse of Dr. Marsh staring at me through a crack in the door with her eyes narrowed. Then she held up my X-rays and made a throat-slitting motion.”

At press time, Dr. Marsh reportedly shined a bright light in Clemente’s eyes and shouted, “We have ways of making you floss!”