Peterson has reported numerous signs of a forthcoming bath, including the chilling absence of his mom for the last 20 minutes and the faint smell of bubble bath. “My sister just got a bath. That means I’m next,” said Peterson as he picked at the dirt under his fingernails.

Peterson added, “I really don’t like bathing.”

“I’m so dirty,” said Peterson, turning his head toward the distant sound of a running faucet. “Mom knows for sure. It’s all over for me.”

At press time, Peterson was wistfully lying his post-bath jammies out on his bed and bracing himself for the worst.