“Completely disgusting,” complained patient Joe Bergo after an appointment with Webb. “She said all sorts of icky things like sphincter, fluid, orifice, and bowel. It was repulsing. I really wish she would use nicer-sounding words.”

“When she said ‘fatty growth’ and ‘appendectomy,’ I was only a little grossed out,” continued Bergo, nearly retching as he recalled the nasty lingo. “But then she used the word ‘mucus’ and ‘glottis’ in the same sentence and I had no choice but to completely tune her out. Thank God she didn’t throw in a ‘puss’ or ‘globule,’ because I probably would’ve puked all over her office.”

At press time, Bergo realized he had no idea what his diagnosis even was.