Elizabeth Warren Releases Results Of New DNA Test Proving She's 80% Down-To-Earth, 20% Badass

Published Friday, October 26th, 2018
Filed under Politics

“Republicans have been doubting my ancestral claims that I’m very relatable but also really cool,” explained Warren, who stood proudly by her heritage. “But now I have the scientific evidence to prove them wrong. We can all now definitively agree that I am really fun and not at all out of touch. And I believe that this concrete evidence will serve me well in future elections.”

“The results indicate that somewhere between six and ten generations ago, at least one of her ancestors was a genuine and hardworking person who was also somewhat of a badass,” confirmed Stanford genetics professor Carlos Bustamante, who performed the DNA test.

Warren concluded the event by stating that she’s also “biologically encoded to get a little tough when necessary.”