“Republicans have been doubting my ancestral claims that I’m very relatable but also really cool,” explained Warren, who stood proudly by her heritage. “But now I have the scientific evidence to prove them wrong. We can all now definitively agree that I am really fun and not at all out of touch. And I believe that this concrete evidence will serve me well in future elections.”
“The results indicate that somewhere between six and ten generations ago, at least one of her ancestors was a genuine and hardworking person who was also somewhat of a badass,” confirmed Stanford genetics professor Carlos Bustamante, who performed the DNA test.
Warren concluded the event by stating that she’s also “biologically encoded to get a little tough when necessary.”