“Hey, uhh, Donald, I was thinking, like, I think it might be beneficial to powercycle the economy,” said Musk as the Dow dropped 5,000 points. “This usually tends to work in most of the test cases I’m aware of.”

“I, um, would always do this at, like, Tesla, when I was CEO—I’m still CEO,” Musk said to President Trump, who was somehow even more unqualified to make business decisions. “Trust me, I know what I’m, uh, doing. Because I’m CEO of Tesla.”

“Okay, Elron, you go give it a try,” said Trump, contemplating whether or not to call security. “Go do your thing. With your computers, your computers everywhere. Go make it happen. Good.”

At press time, JD Vance suggested having someone come pick him up from Greenland.