“Yowch. Better get practicing, Elton,” reported John to himself after catching a glimpse of the 96-year-old monarch’s general state and appearance. “We don’t have much time left. Someone fetch me a keyboard!”

“Yikes, we’re really running out the clock on this thing, aren’t we?” said John, hastily reworking the 1973 song’s lyrics, which Buckingham palace might call him to perform at any minute now. “Come on, Elton, focus. We could change ‘Goodbye Norma Jean’ to ‘Goodbye England’s Queen.’ Yeah, that’s good. Really good.”

“Ok, how about rhyming ‘wind’ with ‘used to live in Scotland’? No, Elton, no. This isn’t amateur hour,” muttered John, plunking away on the ballad he’ll surely soon perform for the entire world. “C’mon, Lizzie, hold on for a few more weeks, will ya?”

At press time, Beatles cover bands everywhere have begun rehearsing “Blackbird” after realizing that Paul McCartney is really getting up there.