The email, which thousands of University students and staff received with delight, almost certainly promised to reinforce the idea that President Christina Paxson has the best interests of the student body at heart.

“I was having a terrible day before yesterday afternoon,” said Bethany Cliffords ‘17, “but then I saw ‘The Office of President Christina Paxson’ in the ‘from:’ column on my email account and I just perked right up because I knew I was in for at least 800 words of proof that Christina Paxson has a clear and consistent vision for Brown.”

“More than anything, I’m just sad I won’t be getting those emails anymore,” said Dan Schaefer, a mailroom employee who lost his job after the University decided to cut costs by outsourcing the service to a corporate contractor. “Man, those emails were awesome.”