“I can’t let Jennifer go,” said airport goer and lover Matt Graves as he jumped over a security conveyer belt and sprinted to the terminal. “I didn’t realize how much I loved her until the second I watched her cab drive away. That’s when I knew I had to stop her.”
Everyone in the airport could be seen frantically running to different gates and shouting the names of lovers they didn’t want to lose. “People always complain that the airport is crowded,” said TSA officer Kelly Guin. “I try to explain that not that many people are here to get on a plane. Most just want to run onto the tarmac and scream at their lovers before they fly overseas.”
“Every flight I have ever flown has been delayed by some schmuck forcing their way onto the plane to give a speech about how much they love one of the passengers and how devastated they would be to see them take a new, permanent job in Paris,” said pilot Abby Taggert. “What I wouldn’t give to have one flight that went smoothly without any of these love-struck saps sprinting down the runway and clinging to the wheels of the plane so I can’t take off.”
At press time every lover tearfully agreed to give love another shot while tenderly embracing their partner.