“I didn’t know that could happen,” said owner Nate Westbrook, who had tried real plants in the past, only for them to slowly but surely turn brown from neglect. “It’s made out of plastic.”

“Like, it’s potted in black plastic. I never water it because it isn’t alive,” continued Westbrook, who incorrectly assumed that the fake plant’s lack of cellular life absolved him of all caretaking responsibilities. “Was it getting too much light or something?”

“I’m beginning to wonder if plants just aren’t for me,” added Westbrook, surrounded by other deceased fake plants. “Maybe I need to get concrete statues or like, paintings of plants to replace them.”

At press time, Westbrook noticed his stuffed animals were gaunt and pale from starvation.