“He always looks so beautiful with those patterned vests and pants” said classmate Sarah Granks, while watching Abbott strut around in his silk stockings as though he were about to sign the Declaration of Independence. “He wears such classic styles so elegantly. He does look a lot like Thomas Jefferson though.”

“I just wish I could find myself in clothes like he does,” Sarah continued, jealously gazing at Dylan’s powdered wig and ruffled shirt. “Those colorful breeches really accent his legs, and I’ve never met anyone who looks better with a cane and tri-cornered hat.”

At press time, the kid with the best taste in music was just playing songs from the 60s.