While most freshmen have moved on to other, more engaging topics of conversation, Alton finds himself unable to say anything but the most banal small talk. “So, where are you from?” he asked roommate Jack Werther ’16 early this afternoon, before asking him whether he thought they should rent or buy a fridge.

“He asked me what I did this summer and I told him about my job at the sporting goods store for the 50th time,” said Patrick Burberry ’16. “He said, ‘Oh, that sounds cool.’ Then I asked him how his final exams were going and he said, ‘Oh, that sounds cool.’”

Alton calls his high school girlfriend every night to tell her he has changed his mind and doesn’t think a long distance relationship will work out.