“Shluurrrrrppppppp,” slurped Grandma, her pointer finger shoved fully inside her mouth. “It really needs to be sopping wet in order to turn the page. Otherwise, you can’t separate this page from the previous one! Or even worse, you could get a papercut!”

“Guhck-guhck-urgghhhh,” gagged Grandma, her entire book absolutely covered in saliva. “It’s really dry in here! Someone should really put on a humidifier so that these pages aren’t so hard to turn!”

At press time, a grandson was devastated by the sheer amount of drool oozing from his brand new picture book.