“Why ruin nice pants with holes?” Emmers wondered aloud, staring quizzically at her grandson’s distressed Levi’s. “That would be a suitable pair of jeans if someone hadn’t taken a knife to them! His knees must be so cold. I should take him to the mall to pick out some proper slacks.”

Furrowing her brow and shaking her head, a bewildered Emmers simply could not fathom the jeans.

“The holes are there on purpose?" she said. "Why? I don’t get it. People rip pants if they fall down or snag them on something. But why buy pants that already have rips? I keep telling Tommy that I could patch them up in a jiff, but he wants them to stay like that! I don’t understand. And they cost the same as fully intact jeans? What?”

At press time, Emmers was baffled by hats worn backwards.