“When I first saw this guy with a lime, I didn’t think much about it because everyone gets one,” recounted Sally Pierce ‘21. “But he actually used it. I can only imagine the complex flavors—the beans, rice, and the acidity—all intermingling on his tongue! I can only imagine the citrus symphony playing out on his taste buds.”

“The guy’s palate must be on a whole other level,” Pierce continued. “His sophisticated standards obviously cannot be satisfied by just a basic burrito and so he is taking gastronomical license with the zest. I can only imagine what other marvelous recipes this savant dreams up!”

As of press time, passers-by reported that the culinarian was daintily dribbling soy sauce over his sushi roll.