“Yeah, what are you gonna do about it, loser? That’s right, nothing!” jeered local annoyance Robert Petty, clapping in the face of a man who will be clapping him shortly. “You think you’re so big and sexy, you think that’s enough to beat me up? You don’t have the guts to make a move!”

“Oh, you wanna walk up to me? You’re about to be in range of these fists! Better back up before I lay you out, buddy,” continued Petty, unaware that the approaching man would prefer to get physical in a much more loving way. “Okay, fine, you can sit next to me. And I could care less about your arm around my shoulder. But I’m drawing the line here! Stop playing with my hair or else you’ll really get what’s comin’ to ya!”

A follow-up report has indicated that the two men, following three happy years together, are now sleddin’ for a weddin’.